tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18101458.post2842395820453344737..comments2024-02-16T15:14:36.719-06:00Comments on Wet Noodle Posse: The Importance of the First PageMJFredrickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06881706931355203700noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18101458.post-58650358463933716652008-10-08T08:31:00.000-05:002008-10-08T08:31:00.000-05:00Louisa,If you make those changes Diane suggested, ...Louisa,<BR/>If you make those changes Diane suggested, I think you'll have a winner! It's amazing how little tweaks make such a difference.Mo Hhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13644902211036445323noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18101458.post-81892010097872057632008-10-07T14:36:00.000-05:002008-10-07T14:36:00.000-05:00Thank you, O Divine One! Once again, you are my gu...Thank you, O Divine One! Once again, you are my guardian angel!! I agree completely with your comments and I will be on the lookout for more "modernisms" in this one. Fabulous catches, as usual!Louisa Cornellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12971924594129471055noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18101458.post-43531545828487506872008-10-07T13:18:00.000-05:002008-10-07T13:18:00.000-05:00I know this is yesterday's blog and we're on to to...I know this is yesterday's blog and we're on to today's, but I just wanted to comment on Diane's excellent advice (the "understatement" sentence didn't quite sound regency to me, either) and Louise's fabulous opening page!!!<BR/><BR/>You definitely captured the gothic "feel". The image of the Hall as a hungry demon was perfectly created. I can "see" it in my mind. <BR/><BR/>Diane's suggestions are spot on, and will help you truly capture the Regency mood/language/etc.<BR/><BR/>Best of luck. You are definitely on the right track!<BR/><BR/>PrisPrisakisshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12909271289337919937noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18101458.post-75106194189581995532008-10-07T12:48:00.000-05:002008-10-07T12:48:00.000-05:00Louise, wonderful opening and I think Diane's chan...Louise, wonderful opening and I think Diane's changes will give it that extra punch!<BR/><BR/>Looks like you'll be a 2009 finalist for sure!Theresa Raganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15815320170046221853noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18101458.post-77977018265206190432008-10-07T09:45:00.000-05:002008-10-07T09:45:00.000-05:00“There’s something wrong at the house.”Now that wa...<I>“There’s something wrong at the house.”<BR/><BR/>Now that was an understatement if ever there was one.</I><BR/><BR/>Louisa, you know how picky I am. I would suggest that you could do a bit better with these two beginning sentences to, as Maureen suggested, immediately give the reader an historical feel. These could be contemporary people speaking as easily as Regency people.<BR/><BR/>My suggestion:<BR/>"Something is amiss at the Hall"<BR/><BR/>or "Something is amiss at Ravencrest Hall"<BR/><BR/>and<BR/><BR/>Surely that is an understatement, should ever there be one. <BR/><BR/>or Surely that is an understatement if ever there be one. <BR/><BR/>or Surely that understates the matter, if it is possible to do so. <BR/><BR/>or something like that. <BR/><BR/>On this sentence <I>Madeline Carston glanced up from her seat on the rickety gig and realized the old Welsh groom was right.</I><BR/><BR/>I'd change "right" to "correct" - sounds more historical <BR/><BR/>Just tweak a little bit. Channel your inner Jane Austen or Georgette Heyer. And as you go through your entry, ask yourself if the dialogue sounds "historical" enough. <BR/><BR/>I totally agree with Norah that you've nailed that gothic feel. One instantly feels this could be a new Victoria Holt.Diane Gastonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14770373530197339170noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18101458.post-83301753504036604022008-10-07T07:34:00.000-05:002008-10-07T07:34:00.000-05:00Ooh, Louisa, I'd say you SCORED with that opening....Ooh, Louisa, I'd say you SCORED with that opening. IMO, you got the Gothic Regency part, and with the mood you set, paranormal happenings wouldn't seem like a stretch. Well done!Norah Wilsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01151103954061826427noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18101458.post-70994668322146809642008-10-06T22:44:00.000-05:002008-10-06T22:44:00.000-05:00Here is the opening of The Raven's Heart. What do ...Here is the opening of The Raven's Heart. What do you think?<BR/><BR/><BR/><BR/><BR/>Suffolk Coast, 1812<BR/><BR/>“There’s something wrong at the house.”<BR/><BR/>Now that was an understatement if ever there was one. <BR/><BR/>Ravencrest Hall sat on the edge of crumbling cliffs, a stone gargoyle clinging to the land like some dying beast spat out of the sea. It devoured all who entered and sucked the last drop of joy, laughter, and life out of them as surely as the worms in the grave. She hated the place.<BR/><BR/>Madeline Carston glanced up from her seat on the rickety gig and realized the old Welsh groom was right. The ancient mansion was monstrous enough in its normal darkened state. As it stood now, candlelight aglow in every window, it took on the aspect of a smiling, hungry demon.Louisa Cornellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12971924594129471055noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18101458.post-33168207390367559262008-10-06T22:18:00.000-05:002008-10-06T22:18:00.000-05:00Louisa,The example Maureen gave from Diane's book ...Louisa,<BR/>The example Maureen gave from Diane's book shows how you can make the setting say Regency. I think you can do that as well with the Gothic element, and you can just hint at the paranormal. I always think Gothics have that other world feeling anyway.<BR/><BR/>And thanks, Maureen, for featuring my book.<BR/>MerrilleeMerrilleehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08617320163408645299noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18101458.post-27803641679809077262008-10-06T20:54:00.000-05:002008-10-06T20:54:00.000-05:00Wow, great information, Maureen!I loved the exampl...Wow, great information, Maureen!<BR/><BR/>I loved the examples and it gives me a much better feel for what a great opening should be. <BR/><BR/>My current WIP which I HOPE to finish in time to enter the Golden Heart is a Gothic Regency with a paranormal twist. How on earth do I get all of that on the first page???Louisa Cornellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12971924594129471055noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18101458.post-47897544377016462222008-10-06T13:41:00.000-05:002008-10-06T13:41:00.000-05:00I have a tendency to "info dump" in the opening ch...I have a tendency to "info dump" in the opening chapter. A big no-no, yet hard for me to avoid.<BR/><BR/>Great suggestion, Mo, about reading the opening chapters to multiple books in the line I'm targeting. <BR/><BR/>I have some of my favorites on my shelf at home. Guess I know what I'll be reading in my free time this week. If they're my favorites, their openings must have grabbed me.<BR/><BR/>Anyone care to share some of their common missteps or concerns with their opening pages? I'm sure our Noodlers will have more great advice for you.<BR/><BR/>PrisPrisakisshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12909271289337919937noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18101458.post-90978714990322292092008-10-06T13:33:00.000-05:002008-10-06T13:33:00.000-05:00Thanks so much for featuring Scandalizing the Ton,...Thanks so much for featuring Scandalizing the Ton, Mo!<BR/> <BR/>I think it is very important for the first page of a GH entry to grab the reader's attention. The most common mistake I see in contest entries is to start in backstory. The advice to "start where the action is" works for me!Diane Gastonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14770373530197339170noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18101458.post-81340802366690598182008-10-06T12:32:00.000-05:002008-10-06T12:32:00.000-05:00Great openings and great advice, Mo! Love these ex...Great openings and great advice, Mo! Love these examples. They're all so different and yet I can't wait to read every single one! Thanks!Theresa Raganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15815320170046221853noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18101458.post-31911401315824998082008-10-06T10:33:00.000-05:002008-10-06T10:33:00.000-05:00Glad the advice rang true, Norah!Glad the advice rang true, Norah!Mo Hhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13644902211036445323noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18101458.post-4651941732480656582008-10-06T08:37:00.000-05:002008-10-06T08:37:00.000-05:00Great blog, Maureen! And you hit it right on the h...Great blog, Maureen! And you hit it right on the head when you ask, "What does your audience value?" And then you did a great job show showing us the difference with the 3 openings. In other words, don't beat around the bush before announcing what kind of book the judge is reading. If it's a paranormal, better show me something paranormal FAST. Good message!Norah Wilsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01151103954061826427noreply@blogger.com