tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18101458.post8841272131041483676..comments2024-02-16T15:14:36.719-06:00Comments on Wet Noodle Posse: GET YOUR QUERY LETTER READY by Theresa RaganMJFredrickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06881706931355203700noreply@blogger.comBlogger31125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18101458.post-10542060411783276102007-11-14T20:46:00.000-06:002007-11-14T20:46:00.000-06:00Thanks so much for your advice Theresa and Esri. ...Thanks so much for your advice Theresa and Esri. I now see what I need to do. You guys and everyone on the Posse have been wonderful!Santahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09770231939962704822noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18101458.post-54210751112645518432007-11-14T14:11:00.000-06:002007-11-14T14:11:00.000-06:00I agree that a great blurb is an asset in selling ...I agree that a great blurb is an asset in selling your work, and we all should try our best to create one, but I also believe that it is okay if the blurb is just "good-enough". If it's clear and if it gives enough information for the editor to decide whether to look at the synopsis or request a partial is all that really is required. <BR/><BR/>In other words...do the best you can and then don't worry about it!Diane Gastonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14770373530197339170noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18101458.post-60177993434153908032007-11-14T13:23:00.000-06:002007-11-14T13:23:00.000-06:00OH, my god, Esri. You just gave me the best laugh ...OH, my god, Esri. You just gave me the best laugh and added another week to my life...at least. :)<BR/><BR/>Thanks to your stabbing everyone on the WNP blog with hyphens, I'm actually starting to use more of them. Thanks!<BR/><BR/>And I must add, Esri, that I think everyone really appreciates your honest critiques.Theresa Raganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15815320170046221853noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18101458.post-26509133974545645342007-11-14T12:24:00.000-06:002007-11-14T12:24:00.000-06:00See, Theresa and I are actually the same person, w...See, Theresa and I are actually the same person, with a Jekyll-and-Hyde-type split. She builds people up while offering constructive criticism, whereas I stalk the night, stabbing people with hyphens.Esri Rosehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00912657945785764363noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18101458.post-50922364614858629072007-11-14T11:43:00.000-06:002007-11-14T11:43:00.000-06:00Esri--thanks!Your "cruel cap" (snort!) is really i...Esri--thanks!<BR/><BR/>Your "cruel cap" (snort!) is really insightful :)Gillian Laynehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15772849187702478349noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18101458.post-25304105651254772702007-11-14T11:37:00.000-06:002007-11-14T11:37:00.000-06:00Santa, I agree with Esri...try a few different tec...Santa, I agree with Esri...try a few different techniques and feel free to post them when you come up with something! I still think you're on the right track!<BR/><BR/>Charity, I think that's a really fun way to grab the editor/agent's attention. And AGAIN I agree with Esri in that the bullets seem perfect for a YA query. Thanks so much for sharing!Theresa Raganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15815320170046221853noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18101458.post-51589588762264016792007-11-14T11:30:00.001-06:002007-11-14T11:30:00.001-06:00Santa, feel free to keep posting on the blog. That...Santa, feel free to keep posting on the blog. That’s what we’re here for. We want to help. <BR/><BR/>I still need to know what the hero (high school crush) does for a living or something more about him to be able to fully help you.<BR/><BR/>In the first paragraph below, I have comments in parenthesis and in the second paragraph I rewrote your blurb to give your blurb clarity. Right now, in my opinion, your blurb is too vague. You need who, what, where, why? <BR/><BR/>Love is off the menu for this up and coming chef who, while courted by the networks to star in her own show (although I like this sentence, do we need to know this?), comes home to open her own restaurant where she bumps into her high school crush who has returned home to nurse a broken heart and a friend’s betrayal. (I still feel the need to know what he is? What does he do?) Their heat cannot be denied and they cook up a searing affair, neither trusting it to be true until they realize that a hardened crust can conceal love’s sweet nectar. (this is too vague. When you say they are cooking up a searing affair, I think you need to be clear instead of cute.)<BR/><BR/>BELOW IS ONLY TO GIVE YOU AN IDEA OF WHAT I MEAN…<BR/><BR/>Up-and-coming chef, Pamela Jones, returns to LA to open her own restaurant and ends up hiring her high school crush, Dan Smith, to help in the kitchen. Dan has been burned too many times to trust the searing heat that quickly develops between them, but after a fire in the kitchen nearly destroys everything, they realize that beneath a hardened crust is love’s sweet nectar.<BR/><BR/>The “fire in the kitchen” should be replaced with the conflict. The black moment of your story.<BR/><BR/>Does any of this make sense?Theresa Raganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15815320170046221853noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18101458.post-54776215398947938802007-11-14T11:30:00.000-06:002007-11-14T11:30:00.000-06:00Charity's query:Great premise. Really saleable. Wi...Charity's query:<BR/><BR/>Great premise. Really saleable. With my Simon Cowell hat on, I'd have two quibbles: <BR/><BR/>1) How does one accidentally make the cheerleading squad?<BR/><BR/>2) "Torn apart" seems like strong language for her situation, and at first I thought there was some plot development you were keeping back. I might use "turned upside down" or "inside out," or make a reference to "strange new world." <BR/><BR/>But see, none of my quibbles matter, because this is the letter that got an agent. And who is to say that leaving the question of how she accidentally made the squad doesn't make people want to see more? I don't know.<BR/><BR/>I really like your use of bullets. There's a definite YA feel about lists.Esri Rosehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00912657945785764363noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18101458.post-42661975922793671802007-11-14T11:19:00.000-06:002007-11-14T11:19:00.000-06:00Santa: I think I have at least 4 significantly dif...Santa: I think I have at least 4 significantly different query blurbs for each of my books. Just think of it as an exercise and try a bunch of different approaches. And remember not to give too much weight to any one person's opinion. :)Esri Rosehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00912657945785764363noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18101458.post-55080972948059566522007-11-14T11:13:00.000-06:002007-11-14T11:13:00.000-06:00This is the query my writing partner and I used th...This is the query my writing partner and I used that landed us an agent. <BR/><BR/>What we found when we queried is agents really dug the premise and responded quickly, or we received form rejection letters. (So, if you don't dig the premise, you're not alone, and you won't hurt our feelings. LOL)<BR/><BR/>We used bullets in the letter to give it some visual impact.<BR/><BR/>We're working through some line edits, but after that, it goes out to publishers (fingers crossed).<BR/><BR/>* * *<BR/><BR/>When self-confessed geek girl Bethany Reynolds accidentally makes the varsity cheerleading squad, she finds out there’s something worse than blending into the lockers. It’s getting noticed, and she’ll need all her brainpower just to survive the season.<BR/> <BR/>Who knew cheerleading was so hard? Not Bethany. At least there’s a manual. Too bad it doesn’t cover: <BR/> <BR/>• Keeping your aspirations covered in an insanely short skirt.<BR/>• Navigating the gauntlet, that prime bit of real estate between the girls’ bathroom and the cafeteria--where no geek dares to tread.<BR/>• Tossing off snappy comebacks when trapped in the gauntlet by ultra-popular Chantal Simmons. <BR/>• Protecting your best friend from the biggest player in the senior class. <BR/>• Transforming your best guy friend from dork of the month into a viable candidate for student body president, complete with killer hair. <BR/>• Figuring out whether mega-crush and star basketball player Jack Paulson really likes you--or if he just likes those insanely short skirts. <BR/> <BR/>No page in the guide deals with the really important questions. Like what to do when Chantal pours beer on you at your first in-crowd party. Or how to react when your best friend dumps you in front of a packed cafeteria. What’s worse than getting noticed? For Bethany, it’s having her world torn apart and not knowing how to put it back together. <BR/> <BR/>The Geek Girl’s Guide to Cheerleading, a 70,000-word young adult novel, explores what happens when you go against the status quo and discover that, when it comes to life, you need to write the manual yourself.Charity Tahmasebhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14208740898666710699noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18101458.post-58094026483153140092007-11-14T10:48:00.000-06:002007-11-14T10:48:00.000-06:00See what I mean? I error on the side of caution a...See what I mean? I error on the side of caution and don't know when enough is enough. <BR/><BR/>And that compound modifier has been a thorn in my side all along. Every time I use it I 'know' that I shouldn't be.<BR/><BR/>Back to the drawing board. Unfortunagely, I'll have to continue this off line and much later in the day as I am off to work.<BR/><BR/>Thanks for your feedback, Esri. I will take it all under consideration. I'd much rather talk about my book and characters than try to capsulize them!! Sigh. Maybe that's why I may be better at pitching...I think.Santahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09770231939962704822noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18101458.post-33040952864233095702007-11-14T09:52:00.000-06:002007-11-14T09:52:00.000-06:00Santa: Love is off the menu for this up and coming...Santa: <BR/><BR/><I>Love is off the menu for this up and coming chef who, while courted by the networks to star in her own show, comes home to open her own restaurant where she bumps into her high school crush who has returned home to nurse a broken heart and a friend’s betrayal.</I><BR/><BR/>Too long. I was confused by the end. Oh, and "up-and-coming" is a compound modifier. (Could I let just <I>one</I> of those slide? I could not.)<BR/><BR/><I>Their heat cannot be denied and they cook up a searing affair, neither trusting it to be true until they realize that a hardened crust can conceal love’s sweet nectar.</I><BR/><BR/>I confess that I have a bias toward books with lots of external conflict. In this book, it appears that it's their own quirks that keep them apart. Not a problem if it's done well. But since it's all about the characters and your voice, you need to sell both those things hard, or what's to set this book apart? The cooking thing? Not enough. <BR/><BR/>I would dump the second part of the blurb (above) in favor of more description of the two principals. This is a blurb that cries out to be broken into his/hers sections. And to showcase your voice, I might give them each a line of opposing dialogue -- something that hints or encapsulates the attitudes that keep them apart.<BR/><BR/>EsriEsri Rosehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00912657945785764363noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18101458.post-41818735220580155562007-11-14T09:41:00.000-06:002007-11-14T09:41:00.000-06:00Gillian: I'll put on my cruel cap.The beau monde d...Gillian: I'll put on my cruel cap.<BR/><BR/><I>The beau monde debutante his heart rejects . . . becomes the intellectual temptress his body craves.</I><BR/><BR/>I love the fact that he wants her because she's intellectual, but why his body would crave someone smart is beyond me. I mean, she didn't physically change in her transformation from deb to smarty, so he should have craved her from day one. I would actually substitute the word "mind" for "body."<BR/><BR/><I>When reclusive academic Elliot Hardwicke and society bound Clarissa Pattersham find themselves most incompatibly wed, the battle of wills between dreams and desires ignites.</I><BR/><BR/>"Society bound" (needs a hyphen, btw) is unclear. Does that mean she's destined for society, or bound up by society's rules? I'd get rid of "most." Incompatible is an absolute and you're wasting words with that unnecessary modifier. "The battle of wills between dreams and desires ignites." Pretty, but it's a phrase that could be applied to any romance. I would try for more concrete information.<BR/><BR/>Things I'd want to know as an editor. <BR/><BR/>1) Why did they marry? If it's not a brand-new reason, just keep it short. If it IS a novel reason, lean on it.<BR/><BR/>2) What triggered her change from a debutante to an intellectual? If she did it for reasons other than to appeal to him, and now he finds he wants to woo someone he used to scorn, STELLAR. That's a yum-yum concept.<BR/><BR/>EsriEsri Rosehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00912657945785764363noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18101458.post-9221955363330417512007-11-14T09:14:00.000-06:002007-11-14T09:14:00.000-06:00Thanks Theresa. So, there really is not such thing...Thanks Theresa. <BR/><BR/>So, there really is not such thing as too much information given in a query or synopsis, for that matter? I struggle with the query's hook being too long and my synopsis being too short!<BR/><BR/>Here it is again with the adjustments you suggested. Please let me know if you care to continue this off line so I'm not hogging anyone else's time.<BR/><BR/>Love is off the menu for this up and coming chef who, while courted by the networks to star in her own show, comes home to open her own restaurant where she bumps into her high school crush. He has returned home to his family's artisanal cheese farm to nurse a broken heart and a friend’s betrayal. What starts out as a strict business relationship soon becomes a searing love affair. However, their fragile as spun sugar love is threatened by past betrayals and their own inability to trust that what they are experiencing is true but in the end they come to realize that the hardened crust around their hearts reveal love's sweet nectar.<BR/><BR/>Now it feels too long!!Santahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09770231939962704822noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18101458.post-87400963076297368302007-11-14T00:31:00.000-06:002007-11-14T00:31:00.000-06:00Santa, I think you're off to a good start. I like ...Santa, I think you're off to a good start. I like the line, "Love is off the menu for this up and coming chef...."<BR/><BR/>After that I don't get a feel of what the conflict is between the high school crush and the chef. Does he work at the restaurant? Is he a cook? If so, maybe you could hint at what the conflict will be and why they can't be together right from the start.Theresa Raganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15815320170046221853noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18101458.post-83197761998464091512007-11-13T22:52:00.000-06:002007-11-13T22:52:00.000-06:00Here is my hook. Any feedback would be greatly ap...Here is my hook. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated!<BR/><BR/>Love is off the menu for this up and coming chef who, while courted by the networks to star in her own show, comes home to open her own restaurant where she bumps into her high school crush who has returned home to nurse a broken heart and a friend’s betrayal. Their heat cannot be denied and they cook up a searing affair, neither trusting it to be true until they realize that a hardened crust can conceal love’s sweet nectar.Santahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09770231939962704822noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18101458.post-65678225799222484652007-11-13T21:21:00.000-06:002007-11-13T21:21:00.000-06:00I like it, too, Gillian! It shows them as opposite...I like it, too, Gillian! It shows them as opposites. "Battle of wills" shows there will be conflict. "Dreams and desires" shows it will be romantic. <BR/>Well done.Diane Gastonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14770373530197339170noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18101458.post-48341975293146475912007-11-13T20:10:00.000-06:002007-11-13T20:10:00.000-06:00Fabulous, Gillian! Could I persuade you to write m...Fabulous, Gillian! Could I persuade you to write mine?? (HUGE GRIN!)dogladyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03392561174583932552noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18101458.post-26629497057715659832007-11-13T19:53:00.000-06:002007-11-13T19:53:00.000-06:00Thanks, Theresa!And thanks Diane and Esri for the ...Thanks, Theresa!<BR/><BR/>And thanks Diane and Esri for the great hints!Gillian Laynehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15772849187702478349noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18101458.post-13548781516356013772007-11-13T17:24:00.000-06:002007-11-13T17:24:00.000-06:00Gillian wrote: "When reclusive academic Elliot Har...Gillian wrote: "When reclusive academic Elliot Hardwicke and society bound Clarissa Pattersham find themselves most incompatibly wed, the battle of wills between dreams and desires ignites."<BR/><BR/>Ha! Life is too short to beat around the bush. So, I won't. I LOVE THIS! For one thing, it's MY kind of book. I love romances where the hero and heroine are forced to wed. This blurb above makes me want to read the book. Two opposites forced together. I wouldn't change anything at all! Good job!<BR/><BR/>I agree that the high concept thing is difficult to do, especially trying to make the story sound unique when most stories have been done. I think it's the voice that makes each story unique.Theresa Raganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15815320170046221853noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18101458.post-58792267782688203712007-11-13T16:51:00.000-06:002007-11-13T16:51:00.000-06:00Hi all--This is what I've been playing with: I eve...Hi all--<BR/>This is what I've been playing with: I even took an on-line class on high concept, but it's so very difficult. Or my book is too boring (gasp!).<BR/><BR/>Anyhoo, these are what I'm playing with:<BR/><BR/>The beau monde debutante his heart rejects . . . becomes the intellectual temptress his body craves.<BR/><BR/>When reclusive academic Elliot Hardwicke and society bound Clarissa Pattersham find themselves most incompatibly wed, the battle of wills between dreams and desires ignites.<BR/><BR/>I was going to say "be kind", but life is short, so be brutally honest instead :)<BR/>Thanks!Gillian Laynehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15772849187702478349noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18101458.post-66820473130643246822007-11-13T14:35:00.000-06:002007-11-13T14:35:00.000-06:00Terry McLaughlin, fellow noodler, does workshops o...Terry McLaughlin, fellow noodler, does workshops on queries and she highly recommends the following website for help on understanding high concept. <BR/><BR/>http://www.writersstore.com/article.php?articles_id=9<BR/><BR/><BR/>Hey, forget about queries, does anyone know how I make a link in a post? :)Theresa Raganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15815320170046221853noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18101458.post-76182832180803015652007-11-13T14:04:00.000-06:002007-11-13T14:04:00.000-06:00At scriptforsale.com James Bonnet explains high co...At scriptforsale.com James Bonnet explains high concept like this:<BR/><BR/>"Simply put, a high concept is an intriguing idea that can be stated in a few words and is easily understood by all." <BR/><BR/>1. It is unique. <BR/>2. It appeals to a wide audience. <BR/>3. It can be said in one sentence and...you instantly see the whole movie/book."<BR/><BR/>I think Diane's one sentence does all of the above, don't you?<BR/><BR/>Anybody else have a book that they can tell us about in one or two sentences?Theresa Raganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15815320170046221853noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18101458.post-50657802643370957622007-11-13T13:57:00.000-06:002007-11-13T13:57:00.000-06:00Thanks for sharing your query, Diane! "By Honor B...Thanks for sharing your query, Diane! <BR/><BR/>"By Honor Bound tells the story of an embittered cavalry officer who learns that no honorable deed goes unpunished when he returns to England after Waterloo to discover the unwed mother whose baby he delivered is now masquerading as his wife."<BR/><BR/>That's a perfect example of what I'm talking about. You don't even mention character's names and yet that one sentence tells us exactly what the story is about. I don't need names and character set up. Wonderful!Theresa Raganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15815320170046221853noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18101458.post-75571532210789105592007-11-13T13:54:00.000-06:002007-11-13T13:54:00.000-06:00Yes, Esri, IMO, the movie equation technique works...Yes, Esri, IMO, the movie equation technique works as high concept--a sentence or two that explains the book. <BR/><BR/>I love that idea, Esri, to attach a page or two even though they ask for a query only. I think I'll try that. I really don't like NOT attaching any of the book. Thanks!Theresa Raganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15815320170046221853noreply@blogger.com