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Wet Noodle Posse | Blog

Friday, October 28, 2005

Candy, Evil Candy

On a recent shopping trip, I stopped in the candy aisle and stared at all the bags of individually wrapped candies piled high in preparation for Halloween. Here are the questions that ran through my head as my overactive sweet tooth screamed to be heard.

* Do I buy a couple of bags in case we have trick-or-treaters or do I move out of this cellulite-inducing aisle and make sure we're not home or just don't answer the door on Halloween?

* If I buy the candy, where do I hide it so my husband doesn't eat it all the Snickers and I'm not tempted to consume my fair share of 3 Musketeers?

* If I buy candy, do I deliberately buy kinds we don't like so we're not inhaling the leftovers in the early days of November?

* Why did we buy a house anyway? I didn't have this dilemma when we lived in an apartment because no kids ever came to the door. Oh yeah, we hated paying rent and gaining no equity.

I caved and bought the candy, though I compromised and only tossed two bags into the cart. Alas, they're kinds we like, the aforementioned Snickers (hubby) and 3 Musketeers (moi). I brought it home along with the other exciting purchases like tissues and and detergent. And like a good little girl, I hid the candy in the closet in my office. But the siren song must be strong (that or my husband knows me too well). While I'm at the computer working one night, he comes wandering in and asks, "Did you get any candy at the store?" Okay, at least he's aware enough that Halloween is around the corner. Otherwise, he wouldn't have asked the question because I never buy candy. Not that I don't love it, I just don't want to weigh as much as our pickup truck.

For a moment, I tried to play dumb. But after thirteen years of marriage, he saw right through that feeble attempt and I dragged out the hidden candy. And you know what the annoying part of this story is? To my knowledge, he hasn't been coming back in here and sneaking candy. Most of the Snickers are still there. The 3 Musketeers, however, are disappearing. Well, not really disappearing. I'm fairly certain that if I stood in front of the mirror, there would be all these individually wrapped candy-sized lumps attached to my stomach and hips. Sigh. Maybe I should take the remaining candy to my neighbor's house and have him hold it hostage until Halloween. Or maybe I should have more willpower and not buy any next year and plan a vacation during Halloween.


At 10:51 AM, Blogger Kiki, aka Esri said...

I feel your pain. I can't keep away from candy if we have it in the house. I have actually had Joe hide it from me, since he has no sweet tooth.

I like the idea of giving it to the neighbors to keep. They wouldn't sneak it, either. Even if you traded, it would probably still work.

Luckily, we get zero trick-or-treaters. But if we did, I might think about buying bags o' cheap toys from Oriental Trading Company (they're online) and giving those out. Of course, it's too late now.

And my downfall is Reese's Cups. Oh, god.

At 11:37 AM, Blogger Jennie Lucas said...

Guys, just eat the candy. (To paraphrase the mom in "Real Women Have Curves": Eat the flan.)

Halloween only comes once a year. Why deny yourselves the pleasure? Trish, I can hardly believe you waited this long to buy any. I bought ours in September, as soon as the Halloween aisles popped up at the supermarket. (Oh joy! Oh joy! The candy aisle season -- Halloween, Christmas, Valentine's Day, Easter -- has started!! *happy dance*) All right, admittedly I'm a food pusher, but that's because, if I deny myself something, I'll just end up eating twice as much later.

And if you're distressed by the blatantly disappearing Three Musketeers bag, here's a Halloween tip for you. (Also good for Christmas candy, etc.)

Pour all your candy in a big bowl. Then buy more bags to keep in reserve. Every time the bowl starts to look as if it's going down, pour more candy in. And voila! You haven't eaten a thing!

At 2:46 PM, Blogger Trish Milburn said...

LOL, Jenna. I can't do the bowl thing! I'll be HUGE!

At 5:34 PM, Blogger MaryF said...

LOL - my weakness is Reeses. And Milky Ways. I haven't bought any yet, but I've been chowing down on the Nestle brownies and choc chip cookies with the little ghost and witch candy pieces.....

At 6:18 PM, Blogger Trish Milburn said...

Ohhhh, brownies. I love brownies, especially gooey and right from the oven.

At 8:46 PM, Blogger MaryF said...

You would loooooove these brownies.

At 8:55 PM, Blogger Jennie Lucas said...

Trish, pish posh. I've seen your skinny self, and there's no way a bag of candy (or five) would ever hurt you.

And Mary -- is it the ready-to-bake Nestle brownies you're talking about? Might have to try those out. I'm a Reese's and Milky Way lover, too. The best way to eat Milky Ways, in my experience, is to dip them in peanut butter. Yum. Also I hear that they deep-fat-fry Mars bars in Europe. I haven't tried that, but I sure would like to. Then I'd dip it in peanut butter. *grin* Yup, it's always low-fat night at my house.

At 8:58 PM, Blogger MaryF said...

Jenna, yes, the ready to bake brownies. I would feel more guilty, but they have COUPONS. So I may be getting fat, but I'm saving money ;).

And they deep fry candy bars here in Texas, too, at some of the carnivals. Haven't tried any yet, though.

I love your philosophy, BTW!

At 7:52 AM, Blogger MaryF said...

Trish, I just got back from the grocery store, where I spent about $20 for candy - two bags for my kids at school (have you seen the Palmers chocolate in body-parts form?), two bags for trick-or-treaters (we don't have that many) and 3 bags for us! Reeses, Hersheys and peanut BUTTER M&Ms. MY favorite.

At 9:37 AM, Blogger Meankitty Says... said...

Luckily my current ailment limits my interest in candy, though I did eat one Reese's Cup. I bought a pumpkin pie to take to a party last night and nobody ate it so now it's sitting on the counter calling my name in gooey tones. THAT, I can get (on my) behind.

I'm going to buy another pie as soon as this one's gone and at the next dr. appt I will NOT have lost weight. They will be so proud....the FIRST two times *heh*.

Jody W.

At 2:32 PM, Blogger Trish Milburn said...

Yum, I love pumpkin pie too. I did mention I have an incurable sweet tooth, didn't I? :)


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