I Am FatSometimes when you look back over the events that occur in your life that may seem random, you suddenly discover a pattern, and that pattern creates a picture, perhaps a picture you’d rather not see, like the photograph of you in your chapter newsletter presenting a rose to a tiny writer who is a RITA finalist. Yes, I can no longer fool myself and think I’m slightly overweight or that since I am tall I can carry extra weight without anyone noticing. I have photographic evidence to the contrary. No matter how I see myself in my mind, I have crossed the Plump County line into Fat Country. I am fat. If you are wondering if you, too, have crossed that line, here are some signs to be on the look out for:
1.Your butt and thighs have taken on the lumpy profile of several family-sized bags of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup miniatures. It’s true. You are what you eat.
2.A recent photograph lets you know without a doubt that a bikini wax is less painful than viewing the lower portion of your body. And the upper arm flab ain’t looking so hot either.
3.Your side of the bed squeaks. Your husband’s side doesn’t.
4.You startle yourself getting out of the shower. No, that isn’t your mother; it’s you!
5.Healthy fruits and vegetables rot in your refrigerator, and your pantry is free of all carb-o-riffic snacks. Not because you no longer buy sweet and salty pleasures, but because you ate them all.
6.Your husband’s poor eyesight makes you thankful. You encourage him to take off his glasses as much as possible.
7.You fantasize about going on the TV show The Biggest Loser.
8.“Back when I was thin…” and “I didn’t always look this way” are increasing in frequency in your conversation.
9.You avoid getting your yearly physical because you know your doctor will scold you for gaining over 20 pounds in one year. You’re going to make that appointment . . . once you lose the weight.
10.Not only is your recumbent bicycle getting dusty, your daughter feels comfortable setting up her perfume-making kit on its seat.