Dimming of the Day
by Bridget StuartIt's about this really sweet and lovely gal I know. On this past Fathers Day, she gave a little poolside party for her husband. She invited another family over for this party, made a salad and a cake. She borrowed her husband's car to go pick up pizzas for the dinner, saw a CD on the car seat and popped it into the player.
What she heard felt like amniocentisis performed with a pool cue. Big stab. Something dies inside.
It was song after song about sex and the joys of illicit love--even the campy "I'm Just a Love Machine And I Don't Work for Nobody But You". Songs she knew her husband would never, ever have downloaded for himself in a million years.
And with the pain came certainty: she knew who had given her husband this CD. It was someone she never would have believed could tempt her husband--or anyone--to unfaithfulness. A woman he worked and traveled with. A *married* woman with bulging eyes and a bulky lower jaw in serious need of corrective surgery, who monopolized conversations to the point of provoking desperate exchanges of glances at dinner parties. But still, this homely woman had been having more business lunches with her husband than seemed normal even for close colleagues. And there had been too many quickie trips to meet project donors (paid for with company dollars), trips on which, strangely enough, my gal friend never seemed to be invited along.
My gal pal did some research. She found almost 500 emails between the cheaters from the past three months, revealing lies that originated from the first days of her marriage. Guess what? Her husband who'd often come to church with her and pretended to have a spiritual life? Ding! He's an athiest. Guess what else? The parties she loved to give, cooking and decorating and having lots of friends over for lots of fun, the ones he always pretended to enjoy? Ding! He thinks they're silly and hates to be a part of them. Guess what else? He's been bringing her kids to meet the homely woman, and bringing the homely woman to her house when she's not there, to have sex in her bed, cook in her kitchen, hang around her pool, and just basically pretend to be...her. The homely woman even threw a party at my friend's house when my friend was away. It would be pathetic and sad--the homely woman's attempt to grab my friend's life and make it her own--if it weren't such a violation.
My poor gal pal. She's been married for sixteen years, and now she and the kids are moving back to her home state and starting over. And her husband? Well, he 'doesn't feel good about himself' when he's around her.
Funny. I feel good about myself no matter who I'm around.
Someone once said, "there's no one we hate quite so much as someone we've wronged". My gal pal's husband wronged her deeply, and I'll bet he thinks of it every time he looks at her. This is why he 'doesn't feel good about himself'. Perhaps he has no "self" to feel good about.
Gal pal, I know you're reading this-- all your friends sincerely love you, and you deserve better. You deserve simple respect, decent consideration, basic human kindness. You also deserve to be cherished, smooched, and deeply loved.
The day is dimming where you are, but you go, gal--go far enough to find the sunrise.
posted by bridget @ 11:23 PM
17 Comments:
What a ---- oh, you know the word I want to use. The anger I'm feeling at this ---- is scary.
You tell your gal pal that as much as it hurts to be betrayed like this, she deserves so much better than to have to live those lies. She deserves someone who worships at her damn feet for being wonderful. She deserves someone who values her above all things.
I'm thinking words that I would never ever say.
How appalling. How totally unlike the heroes we write about. I feel so bad for your friend but I hope she knows that the weakness, the sheer un-heroicness, is in her husband, not in her. Why some men think it is all right to philander, to betray, to hurt the woman who has pledged her life to him, is beyond me.
Give your friend a hug from the Noodlers and keep us posted. I'll bet her life will shine much sooner than she could ever believe.
Bridget, give your friend a hug from me too. She deserves so much better than this. I'm glad she's getting out of that situation and starting a new life. It will be hard in the beginning, but so much better than living a lie.
I know she's hurting, but I hope she knows what a special person she is.
Dear Lord, Bridget... Your gal is one of the strongest women I've ever heard of, for facing what she's had to face and having the courage to leave the snake in her dust.
DON'T let her believe any of this is her doing whatsoever.
DON'T let her stop on her journey back to the part of the world where she first felt safe and loved. She's not starting over after a failure, she's triumphing after a brave battle!!!
DON'T let her isolate herself and forget that she has TONS of friends out here, waiting to affirm what her waste of a husband was too blind and self-absorbed to see. That she's beautiful and worthy of everything amazing and wonderful she can grab hold of.
DON'T let her forget that the light is hers forever, because it comes from that place inside where she is most precious and remarkable.
DO give her daily hugs and smiles from the WNP, and even tears, if that's what she needs. Be her friend--something we all know you excel at.
Be whatever she needs to get through this. Sky's the limit!!! It's all good, as long as she survives and comes out the other side stronger and ready to embrace the life she and her chindren deserve to live.
XOXOXOXO --some hugs and smooches going out to you both.
Pass them on!!!
Bridget, I'm so incredibly sorry your friend is going through this. I know it must be hard to watch. I've been in the situation of watching a dear friend's marriage break apart because of lies, and it's so sad and anger-inducing at the same time. If this gal is your friend, she must be a stellar person, and stellar people don't deserve to be treated this horribly. Big Noodler hugs to her and her children. May she build and even better, more rewarding, happier life without him.
Wow, what a wave of unselfish, unstinting advice and love in these letters! My gal pal read them and she cried. She wants me to thank you all for her.
She also wants me to clarify that she would still have loved her husband no matter what his religious beliefs or lack thereof, whether he liked parties or not, and on and on. It was the fact that he'd *lied* about it for so long, that the man she loved didn't really exist, that shocked her to the core.
This what this website is all about--the strength women have when we support each other and help each other down the path. Every one of us sheds tears sometimes. But with encouragement from others, even from kind strangers, we can make it to where we want to go.
The Wet Noodle Posse is good at writing happy endings. And you've reminded me and Gal Pal that when you reach a real-life "black moment", that's never where we write "The End". It's a turning point, the moment where a character changes and begins to grow better and stronger than ever. The black moment sets up the character's happy ending. I have a feeling my gal pal's going to write her own.
"The Wet Noodle Posse is good at writing happy endings. And you've reminded me and Gal Pal that when you reach a real-life "black moment", that's never where we write "The End". It's a turning point, the moment where a character changes and begins to grow better and stronger than ever. The black moment sets up the character's happy ending. I have a feeling my gal pal's going to write her own. "
This made ME cry. You go, Gal Pal!
Theresa, I'm *so* sorry to hear that your father did this kind of thing to you. And look how wonderful you turned out, in spite of him...that should give us all hope!
Mary, I'm joining in. Sniff!
What can I say? I can usually find the funny angle to anything, but not here. Maybe Gal Pal's story will inspire you to write murder mysteries, where you can give Gal Pal a little bit of revenge as well as her romantic HEA.
Bridget,
Please let your Gal Pal know that there is life and happiness and serenity and love out there for her. I know in my heart that she will triumph and prosper.
Noodler hugs to GP and her children.
As for her husband, soon he will realize what he's tossed away, and I hope he regrets it every day for the rest of his life.
Bridget, I'm so sorry about what your friend has gone through. I can't even imagine the shock and pain of discovering that her husband was living a lie for all those years, and that his coworker was infiltrating her house, her family, her bed.
But eventually, I think she will be glad that she learned the cold hard truth. Her husband, once he's faced with the reality of spending everyday life with that other woman (aka the dog-faced tramp), will realize what he's lost -- the sweet, loyal, beautiful and true wife who loved him with all her heart.
*HUGS* to your friend, Bridget. As awful as her life feels now, things will only get better for her from here. Her husband deserves what he gets karma-wise.
Tell Gal Pal she's in our hearts and prayers 24/7 and if she ever needs a short rope and a tall tree I have both.
More hugs for Gal Pal -- ((((Gal Pal))))
:(
But wow, how strong she is! Gal Pal sounds amazing.
Bridget, your friend's husband is an idiot! I'm glad she had the strength to face the situation and move forward. Her strength shines through in your post. Give her a hug from the Wet Noodle Posse & may her happily ever after find her and wrap her in warmth & love & all the good things in life she so richly deserves.
Bridget...hugs to you for sharing this story and for allowing us all to send cyber hugs and sisterly support to your gal pal. I totally echo what everyone has said here -- especially Anna -- in that she will find happiness in her life simply surrounded by people who love and care about her.
Beautifully written by you. Let her know she's not alone.
Hugs!
gin, Karen, Jenna, Sandy, Anne, Janice, mhgibson... another group of wonderful, caring responses (and Gal Pal even got some giggles over the short rope/tall tree and the murder mystery!) You all, thanks for visiting and for caring enough to put in some time for my gal pal's happiness. Big hugs to all!
What a weak man.
I imagine it was therapeutic for your gal pal to see her story written so poignantly, by such a wonderful woman and writer. And I love your comment about the black moment. So very, very true.
Love to you, Bridget. Your pal is lucky to have such a wise, strong woman to support her.
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