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Wet Noodle Posse | Blog

Friday, January 12, 2007

Yawning in the New Year

by Bridget Stuart

I spent New Year's Eve this year with my sick little 6-year-old, feeling a sore throat coming on myself, having canceled my extra-fun plans to host some extra-fine single friends at my place. And while I yawned and juggled Robitussin bottles, I decided the whole New Year's thing is a scam anyway. For parents, that is.

I mean, how do you get babysitters on New Year's Eve? Does anyone? How far in advance do you book…the prior year, perhaps? Should I already have done this for 2007?

Teenagers, the most popular babysitting choice, are booked solid on New Year's. They usually have a minimum of two, and possibly four or more parties to attend in the course of the evening. And if you manage to rope a teenager and drag her back to the ranch to sit with the little 'uns while you mosey out to parties yourself, how do you know that YOUR house is not going to be one of the party locations on the high school circuit that evening? Huh? Check the trash cans when you get home. And the bathtubs.

Kind, gentle elderly babysitters won't do it, either. They're flat-out against driving on New Year's Eve. And who can blame them, with all those teen booze bashes going on (including the one at YOUR house).

So, high schoolers and sweet grandmas are out. And everyone else is off limits for desperate sitting requests, because no one wants to admit they're so far into loserdom that they're actually available on such a night.

Yet another thing: Any adult who *isn't* happily settled in a committed relationship seems to find the champagne-swilling, number-shouting gaiety of the evening to be somewhat less than a frisky funfest. Instead, they tend to wander hollow-eyed through the throng, imagining that everyone else is as jubilant as they look. "If only I had someone to love me," they whisper. "Another year gone. I thought I would be married by now…with kids…"

…so they could stay at home on New Year's Eve and miss the countdown altogether.

Yaaaawn. Rant over.
Welcome, welcome 2007.


At 8:39 AM, Anonymous gin said...

I'd confess to having no plans on New Year's Eve, but then you'd ask to me to watch your kids, whom I love, but, trust me, it would not be a good plan. You'd come home, and the kids would be covered in chocolate, their stomachs full of trans-fats, and the burnt-out shell of your house (we were celebrating with indoor fireworks, of course) would be covered with the singed streamers and noisemakers that we used to try to smother the fire.

Yeah, I'm a bad influence on kids. Just ask my next-door neighbors whose kids are routinely instructed to make sure that I behave.

At 8:42 AM, Blogger bridget said...

BWAHAHA! What a great image! Gin, my older son is so rules-based that he'd probably have you whipped into line before I got back. Too bad he's not old enough to babysit the younger one....

At 6:22 PM, Blogger Jennie Lucas said...

LOL! Bridget, what a great post. And it's so true! Guess we should all start planning now for 2008 or resign ourselves to another year of takeout and Dick Clark!

At 6:56 PM, Blogger bridget said...

Thanks jennie! Oh yeah, I coulda done takeout? The things I missed that night... I bought a bottle of good wine but I'm in a new house and couldn't find my corkscrew. *Gnaws heel of hand in frustration*

At 10:11 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Loserdom? Ouch.

Guess I'd better start making 2007 plans now so that I don't fall into that pool again!

At 11:12 AM, Blogger bridget said...

not really loserdom, anonymous, since I'd have to tag myself that way if it were true, and I am NOT A LOSER! (If I say it loud enough, will you believe it?)


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