site stats
Wet Noodle Posse | Blog

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

The Mortality Moment by Bridget Stuart

The Professor and I went to sign our new wills yesterday. With two kids in school and him about to head off to Guatemala on a private plane and then get in a helicopter to fly into the jungle, I decided it was about time. (I mean, it may not be true, but don't these private planes *always* crash? Knock on wood.)

There is nothing quite like a long session of death and disability "what ifs" with your spouse and a bright, interested lawyer. It's almost like couples therapy with an extremely practical edge.

As in a therapy session, you'll get some surprises. Which of your family members do you trust--I mean really trust-- to take care of your kids if both of you die? You may think it's Edgar, but when it comes time to write in his name and sign before three witnesses, you may find yourself putting down Patsy instead. And that's only if your spouse agrees with your choice. Get ready for name number three!

You may find, if you're a writer, that it makes the whole process harder. I mean, our whole business is about "what ifs". Think about it! Don't lots of query letters start just like that? "What if a woman is hit by a beer truck and finds herself strapped to a hospital bed unable to speak her wishes? What if she's given complete power of attorney and medical powers to her husband-- and along comes a very pretty nurse!"

I scare myself sometimes.

Some things were simple. Under "Directions to the executor of your will regarding disposal of your remains", I wrote "I want a funeral." I don't ask much, really. Others were not so easy. We were ready to sign the page with the clause about "If my spouse and I both die, and our children do not outlive us, I give my entire estate to my surviving siblings, x, y and z." Then I happened to mention, "Well, what if we both die after our kids are already dead, but one of the kids had a son or daughter out there somewhere?" Oops. Time to add the "Stupidly Imaginative clause": "If my spouse and I both die, and our children do not outlive us, I give my entire estate to my surviving grandchildren, per stirpes." Per stirpes isn't a typo, silly. It's pretty imaginative, too. Go look it up.

We got it all done--despite my imagination and in spite of the Professor's paralysis when it came to deciding who gets his super-specialized academic library (oh yeah, the kids will be fighting over that one, tugging the books back and forth till the covers tear off)--and everything is signed and sealed.

Now I guess I'd better call the accountant and find out what happened to our tax returns.

6 Comments:

At 4:57 PM, Blogger bridget said...

OMG Jan! I can't believe that story! I mean, I do believe it, but how awkward for you and for him! I need to pass that one on to my lawyer, because the "you get hit with a beer truck" scenario was hers, not mine =)

Thanks for stopping by-- a dry day at the blogspot

 
At 6:08 PM, Blogger Jennie Lucas said...

Bridget, what a great blog today. You have such a funny, intelligent voice. And I love the character of "the Professor". *grin* Really fun to read. Also makes me think 1) how cool and scary it would be to fly off into the jungle, and 2) hmm, maybe one of these days we should go see a lawyer, too. (Although it's one of those things that is soooo easy to put off forever.)

Jan, oh my gosh, what an awful story. Awful, but it made me laugh.

(PS -- Bridget, it is kind of a quiet day on the blogspot, but I wonder if it's because there's too much traffic on blogger? I tried to post this reply three times before it went through.)

 
At 7:03 PM, Blogger bridget said...

Jenna, thanks for the comments--spare my blushes--I always make sure to visit your blogs because I feel the same way about yours!

Hmm, you must be right. I've generated so much traffic that a hundred potential posters have jammed the circuits. I like the way you think, redheaded girl.

And since I've seen the pix of your beautiful baby, get thee hence to a lawyer pronto and have your own Mortality Moment!

 
At 9:39 PM, Blogger Esri Rose said...

We still haven't made a will, which is just wrong, wrong, wrong.

Thanks for reminding me. And with such humor, too!

XOXOXO

 
At 10:04 AM, Blogger bridget said...

Esri, XOXO back. I hope you do write a will, and I hope you leave it all to me.

BTW, it's true, something *is* up with the blog posts. A couple of people emailed me privately saying they tried to post comments and couldn't get through.

hmmm. If anyone else is experiencing this, let me know. We may need maintenance.

 
At 10:31 AM, Blogger Diane Gaston said...

I should do it, too. I know I should...
Diane

 

Post a Comment

<< Home

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]