Clothes make the woman

by Charity Tahmaseb

From today’s email:

Dear Charity,

What they say: We appreciate your recent interest in Clothes for Women of a Certain Age and would like to offer you another great reason to shop with us. Receive free shipping when you place an order of $150 or greater.

What the mean: Yes, we know you were hoping for the free shipping right after Christmas, what with that gift card burning a hole and all. We know this because that little cookie on your computer tells us when you click through to our site. Blame marketing.

Yes, we know you wanted that sweater, in charcoal, but were willing to settle for cranberry. Yes, we know it’s now out of stock, except size XS. And yes, we know you have freakishly long arms and buy your sweaters large. But think! Three-quarter length sleeves! So stylish.

What they say: Orders must be placed by midnight, February 12, 2007. Enter ha-UfEllforIt at checkout.

What they mean: Yes, we threaten you with this at least once a week now. That’s because we’ve released our new spring catalogue. Look at the buzz words: whisper-soft fabric, delicate embroidery. Shirts so see-through you need to layer them with two other garments just to leave the house. So stylish! Who cares if the temperature hasn’t climbed above zero all week?

And look at our What Women Wear Now collection. Okay, honestly, the marketing department refers to this line as “Clothes Paris Hilton would never wear.” We like to think of it as “forgiving.”

What they say: Take advantage of this free-shipping offer and start shopping now.

What they mean: Sure, we have that buy now, pay later deal going on. We’d really like it if you paid now. Besides, we know you have that gift card. Go on. Click that link. You know you want to.

What they say: With sincerest thanks, your friends at Clothes for Women of a Certain Age

What they mean: We’re nothing if not polite. Blame marketing.

posted by Charity Tahmaseb @ 6:38 AM