This Week on the Wet Noodle Posse
Noodlers ring in the season of good cheer with the following blogs:
Monday, December 14th: MJ Fredrick Favorite Christmas Songs
Tuesday, December 15th: Priscilla Kissinger Family Reunions for the Holidays
Wednesday, December 16th: Debra Holland TBA
Thursday, December 17th: Merrillee Whren TBA
Friday, December 18th: Q&A : What sort of books would you like to see on the shelves in 2010?
Labels: christmas songs, Dr. Debra Holland, family reunions, Merrillee Whren, MJ Fredrick, Priscilla Kissinger
This Week on the Wet Noodle Posse
Noodlers finish Giving Thanks month and begin our Home for the Holidays theme as November turns to December.
Monday, November 30th: Debra Holland TBA
Tuesday, December 1st: Introduction to Home for the Holidays Theme
Wednesday, December 2nd: MJ Fredrick Favorite Christmas Shows
Thursday, December 3rd: Maureen Hardegree Tinsel on the Tree
Friday, December 4th: Q&A: What holiday traditions does your family follow?
Labels: Dr. Debra Holland, Maureen Hardegree, MJ Fredrick
This Week on the Wet Noodle Posse
Noodlers continue exploring the month's Free Falling Theme with the following blogs:
Monday, September 14th: Dr. Debra Holland Song Titles as Inspiration
Tuesday, September 15th: MJ Fredrick Falling in Love, Again and Again
Wednesday, September 16th: Maureen Hardegree Top Five Things College Freshmen Shouldn’t Say to Their English Instructors
Thursday, September 17th: Maureen Hardegree Buy One Get One Free and Other Coupon Deals
Friday, September 18th: Q&A: What was your favorite after school snack as a kid?
Labels: after school snacks, college, coupons, Dr. Debra Holland, falling in love, Maureen Hardegree, MJ Fredrick, song titles
Torn between Pets
By Debra Holland
Sometimes I feel like I’m a bad pet mom, mostly because I live in two places—my home and my boyfriend’s house. At my home, I have two cats, Nicky and Pippin. At my boyfriend’s house, we have two dogs, Missy and Oreo.
Each set of animals has one who’s particularly attached to me, and I know misses me a lot w
hen I’m not with them. Of my cats, my fat, odd-eyed Pippin, will love anyone who feeds him. But Nicky is a one woman guy, although I think he’s finally warmed up to my roommate, fellow WNP member, Jennifer Smith.
Nicky was one of an abandoned litter raised by one of my friends at the Orange County Chapter of RWA. She brought the bunch in a cat carrier to our chapter meeting. They were barely a month old. I opened the carrier and passed out kittens to my cooing friends, but kept one for myself, meaning to hold him for a while, then give him back. NOT!!!
Nicky slept in my lap the whole meeting, good as gold. From then on, I carried him everywhere with me, even to work. Then he became too big to stay quietly in my lap, and I had to leave him at home. But he’d still remain near me. As he got older, he became neurotic, and so I adopted a second cat to keep him company. That seems to have worked.
At Don’s house, he already had a collie, Missy, who’s the sweetest dog, always willing to lick the face of anyone who’ll give her some attention. She loves me, but Don is her special parent. After we’d been dating a few months, Don decided to get a second dog, and I suggested a Shetland sheepdog.
One night I came home and the doors to the family room were closed. Wondering why, I opened them, and a beautiful sheltie sitting near the couch perked up. She took one look at me and raced over, instantly adopting me. My Oreo, although we usually call her Orie.
For months she followed me everywere I went, even crawling under my desk when I wrote or sleeping next to my bed at night. It took Don nine months and liberal bribes of treats before she warmed up to him. Now, of course, she loves him. But I’m her primary love.
So, as you can see, at either house, I have happy animals or animals who miss me when I’m not there. So I’m a perpetually guilty pet mom.
Labels: Dr. Debra Holland, torn between pets
This Week on the Wet Noodle Posse
Celebrate the last week of July with us by reading the following noodlers' blogs:
Monday, July 27th: Debra Holland TBA
Tuesday, July 28th: Theresa Ragan TBA
Wednesday, July 29th: Delle Jacobs How Not to Do a Research Vacation
Thursday, July 30th: Diane Gaston TBA
Friday, July 31st: Q&A: What’s your favorite summer memory?
Labels: Delle Jacobs, Diane Gaston, Dr. Debra Holland, research vacations, Theresa Ragan
This Week on the Wet Noodle Posse
We continue our devotion to sisters this week with the following blogs:
Monday, May 18th: Diane Gaston My Sisters
Tuesday, May 19th: Theresa Ragan Writing Friends
Wednesday, May 20th: Diane Gaston Sisters of the Moon--My Critique Group
Thursday, May 21st: Debra Holland TBA
Friday, May 22nd: Q&A
Labels: critique partners, Diane Gaston, Dr. Debra Holland, sisters, Theresa Ragan, writing friends
This Week on the Wet Noodle Posse
March Madness continues this week with the following blogs:
Monday, March 9th: Dr. Debra Holland Lord of the Dance
Tuesday, March 10th: Terry McLaughlin Embracing Eccentricities
Wednesday, March 11th: Lee McKenzie Weird Beer and It Isn’t All Green
Thursday, March 12th: Maureen Hardegree Daylight Savings Time—Exactly What Are We Saving?
Friday, March 13th: Q&A topic—How Does a Writer Keep a Reader Sympathetic to a Mad Character?
Labels: daylight savings time, Dr. Debra Holland, eccentricities, Lee McKenzie, Lord of the dance, mad characters, Maureen Hardegree, Terry McLaughlin, weird beer
Being Your Best Self in a Relationship
By Dr. Debra Holland
In my psychotherapy practice, I often see couples in unhappy long-term relationships who can’t understand how they’ve lost some of the love and most of the happiness they’d experienced when dating. Much marital dissatisfaction happens because, after marriage, people often stop behaving in the way they did during courtship.
In the beginning of a relationship couples present their best behavior, or what I’ll call the best self. This is not a false self (unless lying is involved) because it is a part of the individual.
When you present your best self, you are more considerate, try harder to please your partner, take care to keep yourself in shape and attractive, do special or romantic gestures to express feelings, tend to be more interested in the activities which the other person likes in order to spend time with him or her, and are more eager to be sexually intimate.
By being your best self during courtship, you set up expectations in your partner. She or he believes that this is who you really are, and that this behavior will continue. He or she falls in love with your best self, and you fall in love with your partner’s best self. If you decide to marry, you two assume that you will both remain your best selves for as long as you both shall live.
After a couple has been together a long while, they often don’t have the motivation, time, or energy to continue in their best selves. They allow themselves to relax into their easy selves. They stop making as much of an effort to please each other. Romantic gestures and dates get lost in a busy schedule. Work involvement increases.
They then become disappointed with each other or feel let down. They might argue and feel upset, or they might just let it pass. But they, too, start doing less of their previous courtship behaviors. When this happens, one or both can experience feelings of resignation, “This is what’s supposed to happen in long relationships,” or a hurt response, such as, “You’re not the man/woman you used to be. You don’t love me.”
Much of this problem can be avoided or improved by each of you becoming aware of, and taking responsibility for, your part in setting up your partner’s expectations.
1. If you are in the courtship phase of a relationship, take a good look at what you are promising. Don’t set up expectations you aren’t willing or able to keep.
2. If you are in a long-term relationship, think back to what you inadvertently promised. Resolve to reintroduce those courtship gestures into your relationship.
3. Realize the important difference between willing and wanting. The truth is, that for a man to be willing to do something he doesn’t want to do just because he wants to please you is actually a loving act. And vice versa. How’s that for romance? At times like this, your partner deserves more points, not less.
4. Check your attitude. If you don’t really want to join your partner, but are willling, it’s fine to communicate your feelings, although not in a complaining or long-suffering tone. Say, “I’m not that interested, but if it will make you happy, I’ll be glad to do it.”
5. Check your level of appreciation. If your partner has stopped being his or her best self, perhaps one of the main reasons is because you’ve stopped expressing your appreciation of his or her efforts. You can never express too much appreciation in a relationship.
6. Remain optimistic. Don’t give up your efforts if your partner doesn’t appear to respond positively at first, or says something derogative such as, “I thought you hated when I do _____.” Remember they have months, or maybe years, of negative feelings about their unmet expectations.
By persevering in your goal of being your best self, not only will you increase your own self-esteem, over time you will be rewarded with a happier, more loving relationship.
Labels: Being your best self in a relationship, Dr. Debra Holland, relationships
This Week on the Wet Noodle Posse
Here's the low down for the coming week. Please join us!
Monday, February 23rd: Diane Gaston Write a Romantic Scene from Real Life
Tuesday, February 24th: Theresa Ragan It's the Little Things That Count
Wednesday, February 25th: Dr. Debra Holland Being Your Best Self in a Relationship
Thursday, February 26th: Guest blogger Karen Anders Three Tips for Making a Love Scene Sizzle
Friday, February 27th: Q&A Topic: How Do You Keep the Romantic Tension Going in a Story?
Happy Mardi Gras!
Labels: Diane Gaston, Dr. Debra Holland, Karen Anders, Theresa Ragan, writing romance
This Week on the Wet Noodle Posse
Our second week focusing on the WNP theme of Being Good to Yourself--Or Else promises to be enlightening. Here's what's scheduled:
Monday, January 12th: Lee McKenzie Have a Luxurious Spa Day at Home
Tuesday, January 13th: Delle Jacobs Guilt Free Writing
Wednesday, January 14th: Karen Potter Five Minutes of Peace
Thursday, January 15th: Dr. Debra Holland Monitoring Your Energy
Friday, January 16th: Q&A Topic: How Do You Reward Yourself for Achieving Your Writing Goals?
Labels: be good to yourself, Delle Jacobs, Dr. Debra Holland, energy, guilt free writing, Karen Potter, Lee McKenzie, peace
Why You Should Enter the Golden Heart Contest
As November 17th rolls around, it’s time for unpublished writers to consider entering RWA’s Golden Heart contest. The Golden Heart is RWA’s most prestigious unpublished contest. Finaling not only opens doors for your writing career, but is a LOT of fun.
When the GH call comes, the good news gives you a happy, bubbly thrill. It’s a great feeling to share with your family and friends. The high can last for weeks. The days after the GH results are announced are a good time to send queries to agents and editors about your finaling manuscript. Finaling makes your queries stand out, leading to quicker responses. It also gives agents and editors more of a reason to request your book.
If your manuscript is already with an agent or editor, it’s good to call or email with the news. This can motivate the agent or editor to hunt through their slush pile to find your manuscript, instead of waiting the months, or even years, it might take them to get to it.
It’s not uncommon to have five to ten finalists sell their books in the months between the announcement and the national conference. During that time about the same amount of writers also sign with agents.
Sometimes an editor who is judging the contest likes what he or she is reading and directly buys the entry--before the winners are even announced at the awards ceremony in the national conference.
The finalists organize themselves into a yahoo group and begin to get to know each other. They share stories of their “call” and of their books. They support each other through rejections and acceptances and celebrate if one of them sells. By the time the conference rolls around, the group has become friends.
At the national conference, GH finalists get to wear pink finaling ribbons on their name badges and be princesses for five days. The ribbon identifies them to other conference attendees, agents, and editors, and they get a lot of people asking about their entry. There is also a special reception for the GH and Rita finalists.
At the awards night, the finalists dress up in beautiful formal gowns and sit in reserved seating in the front of the theatre. As each finalist’s name is announced, two overhead screens show her professional photo and the name of her book--a great way to build name recognition.
Winners receive a beautiful necklace with a golden heart. Once a winner places that necklace around her neck, she is forever a Golden Heart winner. The necklace is a symbol of her accomplishment that other writers can recognize whenever she wears it. However, it’s also a tangible reminder when future doubts creep in--yes, she is a good writer.
As I see it, there’s only two cons to entering the GH. One is the entry price. $50.00 can be a bit steep on an unpublished writer’s budget, especially in this economy. Multiple entries can really add up. Make sure you follow all the rules. If you break a rule, your manuscript will be disqualified, and your money won’t be refunded. The second drawback of the GH is that the only feedback you will receive are numerical scores. You’ll never know why you received a 9 from one judge and a 4 from another.
How do you know if you are ready to enter the Golden Heart contest?
Is your manuscript completed or nearly completed? A completed manuscript is a requirement for the GH, making it different from RWA chapter contests. This weeds out the people who have completely polished the first few chapters and synopsis of their books, and enter them in all the local contests, but have never completed the manuscripts. These entries might be multiple winners in local contests, but the GH is for finishers, which gives you a different caliber of competition, and much more respect when you final.
I have used entering the Golden Heart as a spur to completing a manuscript. As a finishing-the-book tool, this has worked very well. Actually there have been several years when I was writing right until the deadline to overnight the entry in order to have it arrive the next day. In other words, the ending was done, but not polished. However, one of these books still finaled, and the other finaled the next year when it was polished. But don’t do this unless you are confident you can finish. Otherwise, your entry will be disqualified.
Make sure the first fifty-five pages, including your synopsis, are polished. Have a critique partner or two or ten go over your entry. In the first round, it won’t matter how much you’ve edited the rest of your book. The first round of judges only sees the first fifty-five pages, which includes the synopsis. You probably won’t win if the quality of the rest of the manuscript isn’t as good as the beginning, but winning is just a bonus to being a finalist.
So challenge yourself. Get out those manuscripts, finish them, polish them, and enter the Golden Heart Contest!
!!!!! YOU CAN WIN A CRITIQUE OF YOUR ENTRY BY DR. DEB JUST BY BLOGGING A RESPONSE TODAY!!!!!!
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Debra Holland is a three time Golden Heart finalist. In 2001, her book, Wild Montana Sky, won the short historical category.
Labels: Dr. Debra Holland, Golden Heart
